An open letter to wireless carriers....ill fix everything

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So I am thinking, What would I do differently if I owned a major wireless carrier? While I may not be qualified to do so, I have been in the business long enough to give some really good, blunt advice.  So please read below my open letter to each wireless carrier I felt important. I wrote these as though I had a quick paragraph to tell each company what they need to do.  A quick summary if you will.....

Dear T-Mobile,
      Keep focus to on-boarding higher end customers.  Keep the new handsets flowing and continue coverage build-out.  Your reputation for coverage is not great compared with the other guys (even though I think its pretty solid in Philadelphia).  Continue to embrace Android and Blackberry devices.  Be first to market with new and innovative devices. Stop dressing employees in pink, its embarrassing them and they are afraid to tell you.

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Dear Verizon,
       Keep making clever commercials, I enjoy watching them. Send lunch and flowers to FCC chairman every day.  Don't go cheap on the spread either. 

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Dear AT&T,
       Keep whoever negotiates with Apple for their devices and give them a raise.  I cant believe Apple is using you for the ipad and neither can anyone else. Steve Jobs is sicker than I thought.  Fix the coverage and capacity issues and prove us wrong.  Stop making commercials about talking and e-mailing at the same time....no one cares.  Luke Wilson is wrong for that job also, hire Carmen Electra quick. 

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Dear Sprint,
       Hold Boost Mobile in your arms.  Hug them and love them.  Hire marketing person from Verizon and product manager from AT&T ASAP.  Why cant you market how good your network is as effectively?  Sell Nextel on ebay with no reserve.  If that doesn't work, list it on Craigslist. Have Dan Hesse stop showing up in commercials and calling my friends to tell them they are eligible for an upgrade. Write nasty letter to Palm for giving the Pre and Pixi PLUS to Verizon.  In same letter , thank them for not promoting it one little bit or training Verizon employees on the device. 

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Dear Metro PCS,
         Keep riding the new "all-in" plans.They are a good value but it will take some time for customers to get over the shock of not having their first month free anymore.  Get LTE before Cricket does.  Merge with Cricket and get it over with.  Go on match.com and you enter your profile.  You will see that Cricket is perfect fit for you and that you should date immediately.  

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Dear Cricket,
        Be pro-active, not re-active.  Bring us something to the market we have never seen before.  By the way, we advised Metro PCS to call you up for a date.  Say yes.  Better yet, beat them to the punch and ask them out. Have dinner (make them pay) and get to know each other ,but don't let them get past second base on the first date.
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Dear Tracfone,
        Please advise your marketing department that the correct spelling is PHONE.  Thats with a "P-H" at the front in replace of the "F".  I'm surprised your still around, but I guess your business model quietly works.
7-11 stores have done you well.  Maybe you should double date with Metro and Cricket.
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Dear Page Plus,
        Im not sure where you are going with all of this, but hey! welcome aboard.  As you could see , the MVNO model has done really well in the United States.  Just look at strong companies like AMP'd mobile, Helio, Disney Mobile, and ESPN Mobile. Give them a call and ........oh wait.